99 Problems A Thunder Loan Can Help

Look, we get it. Life is full of surprises, and not all of them are good. Maybe your car just broke down, your pet needs a counselor, or your roof decided to leak all over your new sofa. Whatever it is, it’s probably giving you more stress than you need.

That’s where Thunder Loans comes in. Our loans can help you tackle those problems head-on, with lightning-fast approval times and easy online applications. We’re here to help you get back to your life, without breaking the bank.

Even if you have a rich cousin, who needs them anyway? Thunder Loans is way cooler, and we won’t give you an awkward hug just to get a loan. So if you’re tired of worrying about money, let us be your problem solvers.

With Thunder Loans, you’ll probably still have 99 problems, but a lack of funds won’t be one! This is a mostly true, to our memory, list of actual reasons real people from Ada needed a loan quick, fast, and in a hurry.

1. When your ex starts a competing clown business and steals all your customers.
2. When your dog is addicted to gambling and loses all your money at the casino.
3. When you get scammed by a door-to-door salesman selling “magic beans”.
4. When you need to hire a team of ninjas to retrieve your stolen collection of Beanie Babies.
5. When you accidentally sign up for a time-share in an alternate dimension.
6. When your pet ferret starts a YouTube channel and demands a production budget.
7. When you accidentally join a secret society of conspiracy theorists who require monthly fees.
8. When your pet parrot rants about the stock market and you listen.
9. When you accidentally start a zombie apocalypse by leaving a bicycle in the front yard.
10. When your pet goldfish demands a fancy aquarium with a water slide and a diving board.
11. When your pet snake starts a rap career and demands a music video with a high budget.
12. When your pet monkey starts a fashion line and demands a runway show in Paris.
13. When you “accidentally” sign up for a mail-order bride service then have to pay return shipping.
14. When your pet snail demands a custom-made race track.
15. When you accidentally start a cult of personality on Rants and Raves.
16. When you need to bail out your friend who got arrested for stealing a giant inflatable chicken.
17. When you spent all your money on a time machine that only goes backwards.
18. When your pet snake starts dating.
19. To pay for emergency pet surgery after the “Hold My Beer & Watch This” moment.
20. To cover unexpected pet grooming of your mailman’s dog.
21. To pay for emergency personal hygiene.
22. To cover unexpected business website costs of pages like this.
23. To pay for emergency business travel expenses just to say you were wrong and you are sorry.
24. To pay for emergency home rekeying after “They” left.
25. To pay for emergency advertising after the bank called.
26. To pay for emergency dental work after a long night drinking.
27. To pay for emergency auto towing after you won the “contest”.
28. To cover unexpected home pest control after “They” stopped by.
29. To pay for a new suit for a job interview after you really told them what you thought.
30. To cover rental car expenses after you “knew” it could make it over, under or thru.
31. To cover unexpected hotel expenses due to a power outage.
32. To cover unexpected plumbing expenses after Tacos Tuesday.
33. To buy a second fridge just for beer.
34. To hire a professional cat-sitter for their 27 cats.
35. To hire a food taster, just in case someone tries to poison them.
36. To buy a bed that is so comfortable, they never have to leave it.
37. To buy a gold-plated toilet seat for their front porch.
38. To pay someone to come up with witty comebacks for them.
39. To buy a hot tub filled with champagne.
40. To hire a masseuse to give them a 90 minute massage every hour on the hour.
41. To hire a team of personal trainers to get them into shape.
42. To buy a diamond-encrusted cellphone.
43. To fund their underground trampoline park business.
44. To pay for a professional treasure hunter to search for their lost car keys.
45. To buy a giant hamster wheel to generate electricity for their home.
46. To hire a team of clowns to carpool with.
47. To buy a life-sized statue of themselves made entirely out of cheese.
48. To pay someone to run their daily errands dressed as Abraham Lincoln.
49. To fund their backyard roller coaster project.
50. To buy a replica Batmobile to drive around town.
51. To fund their quest to find Bigfoot to give him a hot meal and shower
52. To hire a professional prankster to play practical jokes on their family.
53. To pay for a team of chefs to create custom recipes based on their favorite songs.
54. To buy the official paperwork to become a Lord or Lady.
55. To hire a team of animators to create a cartoon version of themselves.
56. To pay someone to follow them around and play dramatic music whenever they enter a room.
57. To buy a robot butler to act as their wingman on dates.
58. To pay for a team of scientists to create a personal force field to protect them from annoying people.
59. To fund their obsession with collecting every single flavor of energy drink ever made.
60. To hire a personal bartender to follow them around and make drinks on demand.
61. To pay for a team of professional cuddlers to keep them company on lonely nights.
62. To fund their dream of opening a restaurant that only serves food shaped like triangles.
63. To hire paparazzi to make them feel famous.
64. To buy a hot air balloon to use as their office.
65. To fund their quest to break the world record for the most consecutive days spent inside a bounce house.
66. To hire a personal comedian to make them really appreciate their life.
67. To buy a life-sized T-Rex skeleton to use as their living room decoration.
68. To fund their dream of becoming a professional unicorn wrangler.
69. To hire a personal DJ to provide a soundtrack for their life.
70. To buy a custom-made suit that doubles as a lunchbox.
71. To fund their goal of creating a new holiday that involves jumping over hot lava pits.
72. To hire a personal therapist to help them deal with their fear of paper cuts.
73. To buy a hoverboard or a jet ski to use as their primary mode of transportation.
74. To pay a team of crackheads to decide the correct answer to the previous idea.
75. To fund their dream of opening a gym where all the equipment is made out of chocolate.
76. To buy more snacks for Netflix and chill, let’s not be seen together in public, date nights.
77. To afford a haircut, because DIY haircuts are always a disaster.
78. To buy a bigger bed, because sharing with a partner is like sleeping on a tiny island.
79. To hire a personal chef, because no one likes burnt toast and overcooked pasta.
80. To buy more storage space for their collection of useless stuff.
81. To afford a personal assistant to remind them to breathe.
82. To finally mount the built-in popcorn machine on the side by side.
83. To pay for a personal trainer to photoshop their before photos.
84. To hire someone to carry their phone for them because it’s just too heavy.
85. To pay for a professional napper to take naps on their behalf.
86. To afford a personal therapist to listen to their complaints about their lack of naps.
87. To hire someone to teach their pet goldfish tricks.
88. To pay for a professional karaoke singer to lip sync for them.
89. To afford a personal genie to grant all their wishes, even the ridiculous ones.
90. To buy a pet giraffe to keep the neighbors’ cat company.
91. To pay for a time machine to go back in time and prevent yourself from eating that one questionable burrito.
92. To pay for a trip to literally anywhere to escape your mother-in-law’s clutches.
93. To start a business selling personalized bobbleheads of yourself.
94. To create a cryptocurrency called “CoinCoin” and become a millionaire overnight.
95. To fund a research project to determine if cats really do have nine lives.
96. To create a musical about your Sunday School Teacher’s secret life as a superhero.
97. To fund a project to create a miniature version of Mount Everest in your backyard so you can climb it every day.
98. To prove that wine is better than whine.

99. Sometimes There Is Just Too Much Month Left At The End Of The Money!!!